Swearing is fine if it is necessary

The worst thing about doing a bird race is that, for weeks afterwards, you keep seeing all the species missed on the 'big day' (perhaps more accurately the 'mediocre day', in fact perhaps it should have been called a fuck-all race; indeed, while I'm at it, perhaps the new book should have been entitled 'The fuck-all of Gwent'). Anyway, today I was goaded by Red-legged Partridge, Little Owl, Stock Dove and, naturally enough, Sparrowhawk. I was not goaded by Siberian Blue Robin, Siberian Rubythroat or White-throated Robin, in fact I have never been goaded by any one of these species, I find them very ungoadly. If I had to be goaded, I would probably pick one of these to be goaded by. If there is a White-throated Robin reading this, I am awaiting my goading,... goadnight.

PS. Please note I have managed to avoid ranting about fat, ignorant, red and yellow lorry driving wankers who seem to think they live on a planet that is not being totally fucked up by global climate change and biodiversity loss and whose only interest in life is whether the can line their pockets with a few more quid - someone should give me a medal.

PPS. Please also note I have also managed to avoid ranting about fat, ignorant, self-publicising bastard MPs who seem to think they live on a planet that is not being totally fucked up by global climate change and biodiversity loss and whose only interest in life is keeping their seats at the next general election by pandering to drivers of knackered, old, gas-guzzling cars - someone should give me another medal.